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Unveiling Falstaff
Sir John Falstaff: a name you've likely heard, but the true extent of his comedic genius in Shakespeare's "The Merry Wives of Windsor" might just surprise you! Dive into the hilarity... once you get past the Shakespearean language, that is.
If Shakespeare's classics have always felt a tad out of reach, BookCaps has your back. Experience a contemporary take on 'The Merry Wives of Windsor' that makes every jest and jesting character relatable.
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EXCERPT FROM THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR IN PLAIN AND SIMPLE ENGLISH
SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house. Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS
SHALLOW
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Sir Hugh, do not try and persuade me; I will make a high
court case of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, I would not allow him to abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
SLENDER
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
'Coram.'
In the county of Gloucester, justice of the peace and
member of the bench.
SHALLOW
Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
That's right, cousin Slender, and record keeper.
SLENDER
Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'
Yes, and "decor reaper" as well; and a gentleman by birth,
a distinguished parson; who signs himself “Squire" on any
bill, warrant, release or contract, “Esq."
SHALLOW
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
hundred years.
Yes, I do; and I have done for donkey's years.
SLENDER
All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
All his predecessors have done it; and
all those who come after him may: they can
have a dozen white pikes on their coat of arms.
SHALLOW
It is an old coat.
It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH EVANS
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.
The dozen white lice do suit an old coat;
they look very good, walking; men know them
very well, and it shows you've been in love.
SHALLOW
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
The pike is a freshwater fish; saltfish are old cod.
SLENDER
I may quarter, coz.
I may incorporate another coat of arms in mine, cousin.
SHALLOW
You may, by marrying.
You can, if you marry.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
It would indeed be marring it, to incorporate another.
SHALLOW
Not a whit.
Not in the slightest.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
between you.
Yes, by our Lady; if someone has a quarter of your coat,
that only leaves three skirts for yourself, in my
simple arithmetic: but anyway. If Sir
John Falstaff has insulted you at all,
I am a churchman, and will be glad to be
a peacemaker to effect reconciliations and compromises
between you.
SHALLOW
The council shall hear it; it is a riot.
The court shall hear of it; he's started a riot.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your vizaments in that.
It's not right for the court to hear a riot; there is no
fear of God in a riot: the council, understand, will
want to hear about the fear of God, and not a riot;
take that into consideration.
SHALLOW
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.
Ha! I swear, if I were young again, we would settle it
with swords.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.
It is better to be settled with swords, and finish it:
I'm also thinking about something else,
which might result in some good things: there
is Anne Page, who is the daughter of Master Thomas
Page, a pretty innocent.
SLENDER
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
small like a woman.
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
high like a woman.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
That's exactly the person I'm talking about, as good
as you could wish; and her grandfather (may he be
saved by God!) on his deathbed left her
seven hundred pounds in gold and silver,
which she will get when she is seventeen years
old: it would be a good idea to lay off our quibbles
and quarrels, and set up a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
Did her grandfather leave her seven hundred pounds?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Yes, and her father will make her richer still.
SLENDER
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good qualities.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
Seven hundred pounds with more to come are good qualities.
SHALLOW
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Well, let us go and see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
Knocks
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Should I lie to you? I hate liars the same as I
hate people who are false, or as I hate people that
are untruthful. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beg you, be guided by those who wish you well. I will
knock for Master Page.
Hello there! God bless your house!
PAGE
[Within] Who's there?
Enter PAGE
Who's there?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
God's blessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here is young Master Slender, who
could maybe tell you a proverb, if
things proceed to your liking.
PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
I'm glad to see your worships are well.
Thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
Master Page, I'm glad to see you: I hope it does
your good heart good! I wish your venison had been better; it
was badly killed. How is the good Mistress Page?–And I
always thank you with my heart, la! With my heart.
PAGE
Sir, I thank you.
Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Sir, I thank you; by golly I do.
PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
I'm glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
was outrun on Cotsall.
How's your pale brown greyhound, sir? I heard rumours he
was beaten at the Cotswold races.
PAGE
It could not be judged, sir.
It was too close to call, sir.
SLENDER
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
You won't admit it, you won't admit it.
SHALLOW
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
'tis a good dog.
He will not. It's your fault, it's your fault;
it's a good dog.
PAGE
A cur, sir.
A mutt, sir.
SHALLOW
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
Falstaff here?
Sir, he's a good dog, and a good-looking dog: what more
can be said? He is good and good-looking. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.
Sir, he is inside; I should like to do you both
a favour.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Spoken like a Christian.
SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
He has done me wrong, Master Page.
PAGE
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Sir, he has kind of admitted it.
SHALLOW
If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
He might have admitted it, but he has not made amends: isn't that the case
Master Page? He has wronged me; he definitely
has, definitely, he has, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, says he has been wronged.
PAGE
Here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL
Here comes Sir John.
FALSTAFF
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
Now, Master Shallow, you're going to complain about me to the King?
SHALLOW
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Sir Hugh, do not try and persuade me; I will make a high
court case of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, I would not allow him to abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
SLENDER
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
'Coram.'
In the county of Gloucester, justice of the peace and
member of the bench.
SHALLOW
Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
That's right, cousin Slender, and record keeper.
SLENDER
Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'
Yes, and "decor reaper" as well; and a gentleman by birth,
a distinguished parson; who signs himself “Squire" on any
bill, warrant, release or contract, “Esq."
SHALLOW
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
hundred years.
Yes, I do; and I have done for donkey's years.
SLENDER
All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
All his predecessors have done it; and
all those who come after him may: they can
have a dozen white pikes on their coat of arms.
SHALLOW
It is an old coat.
It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH EVANS
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.
The dozen white lice do suit an old coat;
they look very good, walking; men know them
very well, and it shows you've been in love.
SHALLOW
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
The pike is a freshwater fish; saltfish are old cod.
SLENDER
I may quarter, coz.
I may incorporate another coat of arms in mine, cousin.
SHALLOW
You may, by marrying.
You can, if you marry.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
It would indeed be marring it, to incorporate another.
SHALLOW
Not a whit.
Not in the slightest.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
between you.
Yes, by our Lady; if someone has a quarter of your coat,
that only leaves three skirts for yourself, in my
simple arithmetic: but anyway. If Sir
John Falstaff has insulted you at all,
I am a churchman, and will be glad to be
a peacemaker to effect reconciliations and compromises
between you.
SHALLOW
The council shall hear it; it is a riot.
The court shall hear of it; he's started a riot.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your vizaments in that.
It's not right for the court to hear a riot; there is no
fear of God in a riot: the council, understand, will
want to hear about the fear of God, and not a riot;
take that into consideration.
SHALLOW
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.
Ha! I swear, if I were young again, we would settle it
with swords.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.
It is better to be settled with swords, and finish it:
I'm also thinking about something else,
which might result in some good things: there
is Anne Page, who is the daughter of Master Thomas
Page, a pretty innocent.
SLENDER
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
small like a woman.
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
high like a woman.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
That's exactly the person I'm talking about, as good
as you could wish; and her grandfather (may he be
saved by God!) on his deathbed left her
seven hundred pounds in gold and silver,
which she will get when she is seventeen years
old: it would be a good idea to lay off our quibbles
and quarrels, and set up a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
Did her grandfather leave her seven hundred pounds?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Yes, and her father will make her richer still.
SLENDER
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good qualities.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
Seven hundred pounds with more to come are good qualities.
SHALLOW
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Well, let us go and see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
Knocks
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Should I lie to you? I hate liars the same as I
hate people who are false, or as I hate people that
are untruthful. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beg you, be guided by those who wish you well. I will
knock for Master Page.
Hello there! God bless your house!
PAGE
[Within] Who's there?
Enter PAGE
Who's there?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
God's blessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here is young Master Slender, who
could maybe tell you a proverb, if
things proceed to your liking.
PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
I'm glad to see your worships are well.
Thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
Master Page, I'm glad to see you: I hope it does
your good heart good! I wish your venison had been better; it
was badly killed. How is the good Mistress Page?–And I
always thank you with my heart, la! With my heart.
PAGE
Sir, I thank you.
Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Sir, I thank you; by golly I do.
PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
I'm glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
was outrun on Cotsall.
How's your pale brown greyhound, sir? I heard rumours he
was beaten at the Cotswold races.
PAGE
It could not be judged, sir.
It was too close to call, sir.
SLENDER
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
You won't admit it, you won't admit it.
SHALLOW
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
'tis a good dog.
He will not. It's your fault, it's your fault;
it's a good dog.
PAGE
A cur, sir.
A mutt, sir.
SHALLOW
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
Falstaff here?
Sir, he's a good dog, and a good-looking dog: what more
can be said? He is good and good-looking. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.
Sir, he is inside; I should like to do you both
a favour.
SIR HUGH EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Spoken like a Christian.
SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
He has done me wrong, Master Page.
PAGE
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Sir, he has kind of admitted it.
SHALLOW
If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
He might have admitted it, but he has not made amends: isn't that the case
Master Page? He has wronged me; he definitely
has, definitely, he has, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, says he has been wronged.
PAGE
Here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL
Here comes Sir John.
FALSTAFF
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
Now, Master Shallow, you're going to complain about me to the King?
Translation missing: en.general.search.loading